SUSPICION AND DISTRUST IN THE FAMILY
Family instability factors
- Effects of suspicious
A) To stimulating evils
B) Family disagreements
C) What characteristics pessimistic people have?
D) The causes and solutions to deal with pessimism and suspicion
Suspicion and distrust
We have a verse in the Quran that states that every people who believe to God must avoid from many of think, because some of them are sin.
Imam Sadiq (AS) said:
"Traduce innocent person is heavier than the great mountain."
One of the elements of family instability is distrust and suspicion of spouses to each other that this issue, unfortunately, has gone so far that some men have suffer from a disease called “bad heart” and also some women have suffer from a disease called "pessimism". The root of this problem is that the pessimistic person became a conditional person, i.e., he have had some story in his life and this can be deduced that most women are fickle.
Pessimistic people have lack of confidence. Because they do not trust to themselves, so they think that for example their wife has married for money with them.
From other pests of family happiness that is the factor of its instability, is suspicious spouses to each other which has many negative effects. The suspicious person has a spirit of negativism and is like patient. He does not have mental health and mental balance and looks bad to the actions and words of others. Human who due to having the spirit of pessimism does not have trust and confidence to his wife and will be deprived of peace of family life. Such a person also will not succeed in social relations. Because he will lose his friends in a result of suspicious to others and also will be alone.
Imam Ali, peace be upon him said:
"The worst man is one who, because of suspicion, does not have trust to anyone, and because of his bad behavior, nobody trusts him.”
The holy prophet Muhamad (PBUH) said:
“Three groups are with the holy Zahra (AS) in the Doomsday:
1- A woman who waits with over-zealous of her husband.
2- A woman who waits with evil moral of her husband.
3- A woman who forgives her dowry.”
Effects of suspicion
A) To stimulating evils
One of the results of harmful suspicious is loss of motivation charity but perform the unsavory acts. A man who is suspicious to his wife in the family will attribute to her false and unsubstantiated allegations and causes that bad action become neglect in the eyes of his wife. Imam Ali, peace be upon him said: "suspicious corrupt the works and provoke evil."
B) family disagreements
Suspicious person provides the background of family disagreements. Unwarranted aggression, undue interference, absurd allegations and his bad reactions in front of his wife caused that she annoyed and provides the field of separation and divorce.
It is true that man must take care of his wife, But not to the extent that it leads to obsession. Some of the men have the suspicion and pessimism disease and they have pessimistic behavior rather than his wife without reason. We cannot prove such this issue just by chance or by imaginary evidence and symptoms. We do not say that the man be without jealous but should not accuse his spouse with any reason.
Imam Ali, peace be upon him said to his son Imam Hassan peace be upon him:
"Be careful that you do not spend your jealous in the irrelevant time, because this action will make the right people to corruption and the good people towards the sin.”
If the man is pessimistic in relation to his wife, should not discuss about it with others. May be due to enemy and ignorance or pretending to benevolence, without carefully examined, confirmed his belief.
Such a man would not do suicide act because of unwarranted pessimism or kill his innocent wife! In this case, he has committed manslaughter that is the worst sin and God has promised to send them into hell. If he is responsible for the disintegration of families, has provided his misery days!
Imam Sadiq (AS) said:
"Jihad of women is that she tolerates against harassment and jealousy of her husband." Therefore, you must avoid from everything that makes your spouse suspicious. Several groups, unfortunately, are suspicious most of others:
1. Unfortunately, some religious people that are so jealous on the wear of their wives.
2. Girls and boys who have girlfriend and boyfriend experience and they are suspicious about their spouse after marriage.
3. Fathers and mothers who were the suspicious pattern in the family, so their children unfortunately have these methods.
4. Sometimes this suspicious adjective of male caused the murder and death of his wife.
It is referred several murder in the Iran newspapers.
What characteristics the pessimistic people have?
Pessimism as the common disease of the eastern countries is a personality disorder that due to it, this person as a patient action rather his wife, her behavior and relationships have been misunderstandings. Pessimism is like a virus penetrates in all the family members. The pessimistic children of the family are affected from this disease in the future. Pessimistic people have controlling personality. This means that they investigate their wives constantly and all their movements and behavior and communication are under magnification and constantly and moment by moment test their spouses. They have suffered from delusional thoughts and make a puzzle in their mind about her which with its completion their wives will sentence, they completed the puzzle very smart and elaborate and argue as this that sometimes some novice therapists will do wrong and they justify their pessimistic action as moral and being fanatical.
Causes and ways to counter pessimism and suspicion
We have had these grounds as cultural and historical in the eastern countries. And some factors gives them strength and weakness. Such as how to view and criteria that the person in his marriage accepts them. The person who has developed in the strict conditions and his confidence is still low, nothing is impossible that in connection with ethical issues become pessimistic. Or vice versa the person who has developed in the unrestrained family and has no correct model in the health criteria for the review, in the formation and use of these criteria will do erroneous and wrong and involves to the pessimism action. In the Broken and failed families, For example, the daughter of this family cannot be optimistic about the opposite sex, because she constantly exposes to misinformation about the men and her ear is filled with words such as: all men are like each other, all men are liar, or when the son of family hears from his father that women are evil, women are so foolish. Therefore these wrong beliefs provide the field of pessimism in the boys and girls. The solution is that the person referred to medical advice and if possible gets help even from the psychiatrist. Because some of these must be treated with medication.
Solution and treatment for bad heart and pessimism
Women who are trying to treat her husband's suspicions, wants to prevent from that factors that caused to fuel and exacerbate of these problems. For example, if he warns her about her make-up and clothing, protection and sorting, he tries that she does not bother. Sometimes accept her and does not disobey her. She pay attention to dress and her make-up according to the desire of her husband. In this case, His pessimism disappears over time. Man needs to find trust that his wife does not make any problem for him. If women opposes and continues her works, his pessimism become severe and even in some cases he wants to kill her. With all these description, In case of failure must see psychiatrist until with drugs reduces health problem.